Sean Avery Suspended for Being Hilarious

Sean Avery, star defensemen of the Dallas Stars, has been indefinitely suspended for his remarks regarding his "sloppy seconds." Before we go any further, please please please watch his remarks. Thank you

Crass? Yes.
Crude? Yes.
Hilarious?? Yes!

But isn't an indefinite suspension a bit much? Now, before we go any futher, I'm sure you would like to know who the sloppy seconds are, and just who is taking them. So, please please please read further.

Avery is referencing his ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert. She happens to be currently dating Dion Phaneuf of the Calgary Flame. Who is Elisha Cuthbert? She is:
While dating Sean Avery she looked like this (pictured with Avery):

And now, while dating Dion Phaneuf, she looks like this (pictured with Phaneuf):

It turns out that before dating Avery, Ms. Cuthbert had a relationship with Montreal Candian's defenseman Mike Komisarek. So, in fact Avery was the first one to get his hands dirty with "sloppy seconds".

Anyhow, the fact that this is the NHL of all leagues to put down this punishment is absurd. For those that have forgotten, the NHL is the league where you get to punch each other whilst taking the other person's shirt off and rolling around in the ice. It's also the league where sticks get to hit sticks no matter what size, but you can't hit someone's body with your stick (especially in the face), nor shove it up their butts. Wait, where was I... I completely got lost in making gross insinuations.

The point is, the NHL is the joke of the big North American sports leagues and it's none other than the management's fault for mismanaging operations.

The NHL even has something called the Sean Avery rule. Via Wikipedia:

Avery used a controversial tactic to screen the opposing goaltender. While essentially ignoring the play on the ice when his team had a two-man advantage, Avery faced Martin Brodeur and waved his hands and stick in front of Brodeur in an attempt to distract him and block his view. Although not illegal, many NHL commentators and players described Avery's actions as unsportsmanlike. The following day, the NHL issued an interpretation of the league's unsportsmanlike conduct rule to cover actions such as the one employed by Avery

See the play here:


Is what Avery did really unsportsmanlike there? The stick waving is a bit much, but when I see him screening the view of the goalie all I think about is a defender guarding the inbounder in basketball. Why shouldn't offensive players be allowed to obstruct a goalie's view??

And if there are still any Celtics fan-atics here from the KG post what Avery did is not like what KG did to Calderon. KG was blatantly taunting. Avery was still focused on scoring a goal.

All of these little punishments seem ironic because the NHL is so lax about fighting. Why I ask? Most likely, it is because half of the commercial appeal (to fans) is tied up in the fights amongst players. If the NHL would only realize that characters like Avery actually bring fans in, maybe they wouldn't hate him so much.

Avery is a pest, indeed. But he isn't the same breed as Ron Artest, or Pac-Man Jones. (Not being racist, I promise). He comes off a little smarter, and funnier. Kind of like Ocho Cinco. Avery is the bad guy you enjoy watching, but would probably hate interacting with.

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Teams and Their Names

San Diego Chargers. Memphis Grizzlies. Minnesota Wild. Houston Texans. What the hell is a charger and in how does it relate to SD? Are there really many grizzlies in Memphis? Wild... come on, with a bunch of millionaires sitting around, a better name couldn't come up? Like Wolverines or something ferocious or at least something related to hockey like Slapshots, Brawlers, or Broken Teeth or some bullcrap. What the hell is a Wild? Why name your team after an adjective? And Texans have seriously got to be joking. Of all the crap that comes out of Texas, you couldn't do something with Bandits and Outlaws and Sherrifs or Horses and Mustangs or oil or any of those old western refrences?

When fans see teams, they want to be able to be proud of something, they want to be able to associate. To be able to keep a random (and often times ridiculous) team name, you must at least be successful and thus recognizable by the name more than the city. So the Lakers(YEA WESTERN CONFERENCE CHAMPS) and Canadiens can stay, but a lot of teams really need to rethink some things.

I know many teams move around, and have thus kept the names they started with, but in all reality, what's the point of that? From what I know LA doesn't have too many clippers and isn't known really as a sailing town , so why name a team after something that really doesn't exist in the proximity? If the moving team was actually good, like if the Celtics moved to Detroit or like how the Lakers came to LA, then by all means keep strong with past success. But Utah Jazz and New Orleans Hornets? Please switch, or at least give New Orleans its name back. Neither of you have won anything big, so come on, stop confusing little kids and convincing them that Utah is much more upbeat than it really is. Have a name that makes more sense.

New Jersey Nets and Washington Capitals? Seriously, you couldn't think of ANYTHING else? And the Reds and Browns... Cincinnati and Cleveland have nothing more to offer than a freaking color? What the hell. I understand names of fictional beings or animals, though it seems out of laziness more than anything. Just because of the alliteration of Washington Wizards and Seattle Seahawks rolls off your tongue, it doesn't mean its cool.

And what exactly is a Phillie? Thats kinda cheap... like Having the Minnesota Minnies or Cincinnati Cincis.

So to all the franchises and any new possible ones to come please give more thought to a name, because to fans its so much more than just a word. As any diehard knows, a team can become a way of life. Give the fans something they can be proud of.

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