Sean Avery, star defensemen of the Dallas Stars, has been indefinitely suspended for his remarks regarding his "sloppy seconds." Before we go any further, please please please watch his remarks. Thank you
Crass? Yes.
Crude? Yes.
Hilarious?? Yes!
But isn't an indefinite suspension a bit much? Now, before we go any futher, I'm sure you would like to know who the sloppy seconds are, and just who is taking them. So, please please please read further.
Avery is referencing his ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert. She happens to be currently dating Dion Phaneuf of the Calgary Flame. Who is Elisha Cuthbert? She is:
While dating Sean Avery she looked like this (pictured with Avery):
And now, while dating Dion Phaneuf, she looks like this (pictured with Phaneuf):
It turns out that before dating Avery, Ms. Cuthbert had a relationship with Montreal Candian's defenseman Mike Komisarek. So, in fact Avery was the first one to get his hands dirty with "sloppy seconds".Anyhow, the fact that this is the NHL of all leagues to put down this punishment is absurd. For those that have forgotten, the NHL is the league where you get to punch each other whilst taking the other person's shirt off and rolling around in the ice. It's also the league where sticks get to hit sticks no matter what size, but you can't hit someone's body with your stick (especially in the face), nor shove it up their butts. Wait, where was I... I completely got lost in making gross insinuations.
The point is, the NHL is the joke of the big North American sports leagues and it's none other than the management's fault for mismanaging operations.
The NHL even has something called the Sean Avery rule. Via Wikipedia:
Avery used a controversial tactic to screen the opposing goaltender. While essentially ignoring the play on the ice when his team had a two-man advantage, Avery faced Martin Brodeur and waved his hands and stick in front of Brodeur in an attempt to distract him and block his view. Although not illegal, many NHL commentators and players described Avery's actions as unsportsmanlike. The following day, the NHL issued an interpretation of the league's unsportsmanlike conduct rule to cover actions such as the one employed by Avery
See the play here:
Is what Avery did really unsportsmanlike there? The stick waving is a bit much, but when I see him screening the view of the goalie all I think about is a defender guarding the inbounder in basketball. Why shouldn't offensive players be allowed to obstruct a goalie's view??
And if there are still any Celtics fan-atics here from the KG post what Avery did is not like what KG did to Calderon. KG was blatantly taunting. Avery was still focused on scoring a goal.
All of these little punishments seem ironic because the NHL is so lax about fighting. Why I ask? Most likely, it is because half of the commercial appeal (to fans) is tied up in the fights amongst players. If the NHL would only realize that characters like Avery actually bring fans in, maybe they wouldn't hate him so much.
Avery is a pest, indeed. But he isn't the same breed as Ron Artest, or Pac-Man Jones. (Not being racist, I promise). He comes off a little smarter, and funnier. Kind of like Ocho Cinco. Avery is the bad guy you enjoy watching, but would probably hate interacting with.
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