Eli the Enigma

If you're a true sports fan, you'll agree with me. Nothing teaches you more about an athlete than having him on your fantasy team. You begin paying attention to injury reports, not just on your player, but any player on the team that may have an effect on your player. You start dragging yourself out of bed at the unholy hour of 10am on Sunday mornings to watch your player, praying he scores a touchdown in a game you otherwise wouldn't give a rat's ass about.

With our sports blog about to launch last year, I realized that I'd be a shameful sports writer/blogger knowing as little as I did about the NFL. I decided to venture outside the NBA and MLB bubble that had kept me so warm and cozy for the past decade, and draft my first fantasy football team. In retrospect, my rookie draft could not have turned out worse. My first round pick, Steven Jackson, was hobbled by injury all season (although I am comforted by the fact that every first round pick except LT, Romo, and Brady last year turned out to be busts). I went with aging legend Torry Holt over stars Reggie Wayne, Larry Fitzgerald, and Andre Johnson. I went with one-year wonder Marc Bulger as my starting quarterback. By the way, the answer is: no, I didn't realize until after the draft that I had chosen three St. Louis Rams. My biggest mistake, however, even if it was in the 12th round, was drafting the underachieving headache that was Eli Manning...

I studied his career stats. Average yardage numbers, average touchdown to interception ratios, average accuracy numbers. Everything was average and by no means impressive. I looked into his college numbers at Ole Miss to gauge his potential upside. Slightly better yardage numbers, slightly better touchdown to interception ratios, and the same unimpressive accuracy numbers. So adjusted for college statistical inflation, I was most likely looking at the best that Eli Manning had to offer...

With Bulger as my first quarterback, I obviously gave him the nod over Eli in Week 1. As I watched Bulger struggle to produce just 167 yards and one touchdown pass, insult was added to injury as Eli rolled his way to 312 yards and four touchdown passes, on my bench. I immediately benched Bulger and inserted Eli into my lineup for Week 2, and what do you know? Bulger puts up a monster game in Week 2. At this point, I had a decision to make, and I decided to stick with Eli. For the remainder of the season, Eli would struggle with mediocre numbers and inconsistency. In fact, if it weren't for Ronnie Brown's early season heroics, my team would have floundered. By Week 10, I had grown sick and tired of Bulger's health issues and Eli's mediocrity. Luckily for me, I happened to stumble upon a pretty little gem on waivers named Kurt Warner, who would go on to put up monster numbers for me down the stretch.

With Eli as my quarterback for the first half of last season, I developed an awkward obsession with him. While most people develop loyal, affectionate inclinations toward their fantasy players, my relationship with Eli was one of animosity. Whenever a Giants game was broadcasted, I would watch, rooting for Eli to play poorly, which he often did. I did this partly because I wanted to make sure I did the right thing in cutting him loose, and partly just because I hated Eli Manning. One thing that stood out most when watching Giant's games was that kiddish expression that, more often than not, would be plastered across Eli's face. The anguished look that suggested Eli might be in some sort of physical pain; the crybaby look that portrayed Eli's sincere surprise at the 3 consecutive incomplete passes he had just thrown, when in fact this happened all the god damn time.

But this was last year. This was before Eli proceeded to put up MVP-caliber numbers in the postseason to lead his 10-6 Giants to the Super Bowl. This was before Eli, like a seasoned veteran, calmly marched his team 83 yards downfield to score the winning touchdown against the invincible Patriots. Despite all this, I maintained my dislike for Eli and vowed to stay away from him in this year's draft. This past weekend, the Giants played the Seahawks. I immediately saw the Super Bowl champion that Eli had matured into. In the first two Giant possessions, Eli led two perfect drives that led to two touchdowns, going 5-5 for 96 yards and a touchdown, allowing Brandon Jacobs to run it in for the other. This time, there was no anguished look on Eli's face after another 3 and out, only smiles after throwing another touchdown pass.

God I hate Eli Manning...