21 is a mature age. In my years, I have experienced and dealt with things that have helped me grow immensely as an adult, including pregnancy scares and deaths in the family.
21 is also a tender age. I have never seen my father cry, I have never had my stomach pumped due to alcohol consumption, and I have never once seen Lamar Odom finish with his right hand...The Lakers are an interesting team, led by two completely opposite players. When I say two opposite players, I am referring to Kobe Bryant, arguably the best finisher in the league, and Lamar Odom, arguably the worst. I pride myself in having a fairly strong stomach, meaning not very many things make me cringe. However, when I see Odom facing up his defender on the right wing behind the three-point line, preparing to penetrate, it’s a completely different story. I get goosebumps as I see Odom dribble around his man and extend his abnormally long arm over a help defender the way nobody else in the league can only to blow another left-handed layup. This makes the Odom mystery a little easier to explain: when you’re THAT terrible at finishing with your dominant hand, why even bother trying to shoot with your off hand?
Lamar Joseph Odom was born on November 6, 1979, in Queens, New York. From an early age, Lamar fell in love with the game of basketball. In fact, Lamar was so talented at the sport, that he invented his own version of it: one-handed basketball. Nearly identical to normal basketball, there are fouls, free throws, dribbling, 3-pointers, and out of bounds in one-handed basketball. However, in Lamar’s version of the game, the player is only allowed to shoot with his dominant hand. Any attempt to shoot with one’s off hand will result in a punishment, the severity of which is known only to the game’s founder, Lamar Odom.
There have been speculations about said punishments. It has been said that in grade school, Lamar’s father desperately pushed Lamar to become the greatest one-handed basketball player of all time. Some say that whenever Lamar would unwittingly attempt a shot with his right hand, his father would refuse to feed him for the day. Others claim that anyone who is THAT averse and terrified of using his right-hand must have a history of physical abuse. Supporters of this theory believe that Lamar’s father would dole out lashings to Lamar each time he would use his right-hand. Of course, these speculations are exactly that: speculative.
As Lamar grew into a man, he would go on to attend the University of Rhode Island. Unfortunately, the game of one-handed basketball had not caught on as quickly as Lamar had hoped, as the University of Rhode Island did not have a one-handed basketball team. Instead, Lamar was forced to join the normal basketball team, and play amongst lesser-skilled, ambidextrous athletes. It was difficult for Lamar to respect even his own teammates at Rhode Island, as he saw them as cheaters for using both hands. In his first and only year at Rhode Island, Lamar put up monstrous numbers. Using only his left hand, Lamar averaged 17.6 points, 9.4 rebounds, and 3.8 assists per game. Convinced that the college game would never embrace the glorious game of one-handed basketball, Lamar decided to turn pro after just one year at Rhode Island. To his dismay and disappointment yet again, the professional basketball world didn’t offer a league for one-handed specialists either. Lamar was again forced to play amongst two-handed cheaters, this time for good.
Unfortunately for Lamar, his right hand had by now atrophied and deteriorated into a completely useless limb from years of lack of use. Playing at a natural disadvantage of one useful hand against his opponents’ two useful hands, Lamar has been made a fool of time and time again. My heart bleeds for poor Lamar each time he drives to the hoop and blows another lay-up, his right arm flailing helplessly at his side. It’s a shame that David Stern hasn’t made the effort to honor Lamar Odom for being quite possibly the most productive handicapped basketball player the NBA has ever seen.
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