Los Angeles and Football

Week 1 just finished and the Raiders and Rams still suck...

Football, the sport where grown men in tights throw around inflated animal hides and knock the living feces out of each other. Sounds fun, America loves it, but it's deathly boring to watch without a team to support. Each play lasts a mere 5 seconds, followed by 40 seconds of ass grabbing, and that is assuming there are no challenges, penalties, injuries, streakers, foreign debris, etc. Oh and when the offenses blow and they go three and out, good old television commercials will follow. Yes sir! Football is like the last minute of a tight basketball game, super-slow and occasionally exciting, but sixty times longer in duration. Welcome to my Los Angeles mindset.

In the heart of the West Coast, Sundays are not spent tailgating or watching football for hours on end, Sundays are special days meant for rest and relaxation. To spend time with the family, read about George Bush's stupidity in the paper, get dragged to church, to recover from that extra tequila shot after a UCLA victory (or eight after a loss).

Only a handful of people care about the outcomes of NFL games because there's no team to care about. LA is not home to an actual pro team, there are no rivals that we pray to see lose, no playoff race to follow, and the teams we use to have are gang affiliated (Raiders) or terrible (Rams). The only reason people still watch Sunday football is to fulfill their manhood requirements or watch TO's touchdown celebration (the Usain Bolt was awesome).

The definition of football in Los Angeles is USC's recent domination. But then again, USC football is not exactly exciting when considering how easily they bulldoze through opposing teams, week in and week out. And rooting for LA’s second team, UCLA, does not seem to be an attractive alternative for Angelinos (though we all know UCLA games are more competitive and exciting).

The only reason there is even buzz regarding pro-football is due to the pride and competition of fantasy football. If you are not going to own a team, might as well draft a few players to call your own and watch on television. There is nothing quite like the week 1 anticipation of destroying the opposing team with Tom Brady on your fantasy team; but then again, I have never felt so crushed and uninterested going into week 2 (freaking Tom Brady, ACL BS, DIE).

Okay, so maybe this is all a lot of nonsense to passionate football watcher, but honestly, how many die-hard football fans are there in Los Angeles? Correct, just a handful. You might ask someone in LA, “Hey, who’s your favorite NFL team?” and they will lie and say some nonsense team like the Minnesota Vikings. Obviously, this person has Adrian Peterson on his fantasy team. Do not be alarmed by this type of behavior in Los Angeles, it is rampant and uncontrollable because there is no such thing as professional football here.

My favorite team is the Dallas Cowboys and TO is on my fantasy team.